TULIP

The five letters that everyone should know to understand Calvinist. I I know the letters but I forget what they mean.

I have decided thought hat I must not me elect. Yesterday I got in an \argument with my director. I have been her assistant and something came up that we disagreed on or rather that I was trying to explain but at the moment she was not understanding. I think it has to do with the fact that English is her second language. Any way I just dropped the argument because we were in the middle of class so it was not a good place to continue the argument. Any way I went back to work on the set. I was angry, those of you who know what I can do in my anger understand that it is best to leave me alone till I have a chance to cool off. But as soon as class was over she came over and said, "what is your problem?"

I had known that she was going to come over so I had been thinking of what I would say and how I would say it and I said, "I don't want to talk to you right now." my friends would be glad to know that I did not snap, I was firm, but I did not snap, it was the calmest I had ever said that statement ever.

she walked away not pressing the subject, but before she left the stage she said, "you know that is not very Christian."

personally I think that that statement coming from one Christian to an other is the most venomous thing they could say. It is pride full, condemning, Rank with condemnation. And it sent me to the wash room to cry. I was controlling my anger, something I have struggled with all my life, sense when was that not the Christian thing to do?

latter I found out that my director had heard me say that I never wanted to speak to her again. Which is impossible, she is my friend. But I guess that is how Elphaba felt when she sang no good deed goes un punished.

I can not win. No matter what I do controlling my anger or not I hurt people. I have diced that if the Calvinist are right I must not be elect, because no matter how I try I always end up failing.